Internal Motivations = External Culture

“Internal motivations create the culture around you. When we have the right motivations & culture, anything we do can be a success.” – Chris Hodges

I’m a student of WHAT great leaders DO.  What are their systems, process, best practices?  However, recently I’ve been challenged that it’s not all about what I DO that makes me successful.  I can plug a great system into a bad culture and fail.  Culture is what matters most. To be specific, a life-giving culture matters most.

Chris Hodges recently talked about how our “internal motivations” are the determining factors of the culture around us.  He listed out 3 internal motivations he has.  These were a challenge to me.  Over the next few days I’ll list these out with some of my own thoughts.

1st Internal Motivation:  LOVING LIFE.

• I have been guilty of thinking, “One day, when ________ happens, then life will be great!” Truth is, _______ will never happen.  I’ll always be looking ahead.
• I need to find joy in TODAY!  In my daughter’s soccer game, the meeting that I’m in, the fact that my kids still run to me when I come home, the weather today, the fact that my church is alive, the friends I have.
• Things like WORRY & INSECURITY choke this joy out.
• I too often embrace the “Good Ol Days Doctrine”: Thinking my best days were either the one’s gone by or the one’s ahead…never the one that I’m in.
• I have to embrace the atittude that the best day of my life is right now!  “I will enjoy ___________.” Whatever _________ is.
• We love life when we embrace the joy of today.
• Find satisfaction with the day we’re in.
• 2 Corinthians 6:10 “…sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.”

Question: Do I…do you love life?  Do we love today?  Are we in love with our lives?

Discipline

“Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.” Roy L. Smith

I’ve noticed that the one thing that sets really great leaders apart from those who may only aspire to greatness is DISCIPLINE.  Yes, there may be a few other things you could point out…but discipline seems to be a consistent thread.  While I am not the best at this, I thought I’d share some current disciplines.  In some of these I am doing well…in others…not so well!

• Bible – I read through the One Year Bible & I use Larry Stockstill’s devotional to go along with it.  I would love to say that I am on this EVERY day.  I’m not.  My goal is to read this 5 days a week.  Sometimes it ends up being more.  Hardly ever is it less.
• Margin – This is “the amount available beyond what is necessary”.  I’m going to do a blog post on this later this week so I won’t dive in here.  I will say that margin IS a discipline.  The reason most people don’t have it is because most people use excuses to not practice discipline.
• Physical – I work-out 6 days a week using P90X.  This is pretty much a given for me, I don’t miss.  There are some weeks I do 5 days.  I often have to get up early or stay up late…but I’m going to do it.  And no, I don’t always enjoy it.  I discipline myself because I don’t want to feel bad or look bad (not sure it’s helping much with the looks!).  Where I struggle in this is my eating.  Let’s just say, I like to eat!
• Study – Outside of the bible I study other things; mainly leadership writings.  This happens 3 ways:  Podcasts – I listen to podcasts while I’m driving.  Blogs – I catch up on blogs every Tuesday morning.  Books – I read a portion of a book every day for about 10-15 minutes.
• Money – I don’t spend everything that I make.  This is not a reflection of how much I may make.  It’s a reflection of decisions & discipline.  We did this when we didn’t make anything.  I’ve always tithed (10%), I ‘ve always saved (this has varied) & I’ve always lived substantially lower than my income.  I’ve never had more than 1 car payment.  I do want clothes at the mall, I just don’t buy them.  I have never had a credit card at a department store.  I don’t finance “consumer debt”.  I buy off season so things are cheaper.
• Planning Ahead – I spend every Tuesday morning out of the office in a local coffee shop just getting ahead.  I plan, finish tasks, etc.  This is a non-negotiable time for me.
• Rest – I take Friday off.  I mean OFF.  It’s genuinely a lazy day.  Here’s how this works for me:  I can still do stuff on Friday…I just don’t want anything PLANNED.  Not even dinner that night.  I just want to have one day with no agenda or an agenda that I make up in the moment.  Over the past couple of months I have stumbled a little in this area and I’ve felt it.  Working now to correct the ship.
• Preaching – This is a painful discipline for me.  Here’s what I build around a message:  I like to prep 3 weeks ahead.  I’ll preach through it about 3-4 times the week of, usually changing portions every time.  I unplug on Saturday night before and usually rework a good portion of it based on how I’m feeling.  I get up EARLY on Sunday morning, read back through it at Starbucks & preach it twice in my office before service.  Then I’ll preach 3 times live.  On Wednesday of the following week I watch the video and make mental notes…and I cringe…a lot!

These aren’t all of the things I’m disciplined with…just a few.  How about you?  How are you doing with discipline?

Communication Mistakes (a re-post from Tim Stevens)

I recently read this post by Tim Stevens and it was a refresh for me on several communication practices.  I feel that I do ok with this…but can always use a reminder.  Actually, maybe you should ask some of the people on my team for the truth on that!  Anyway, I hope this re-post is helpful.  You should also follow Tim…it’s worth it!

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The Most Common Mistakes People Make When Communicating Expectations

1. Barking out “marching orders” without making your directions clear enough that people fully understand and accept them.
2. Assuming people need only one explanation in order to understand what you expect them to deliver.
3. Failing to form an expectation clearly yourself before communicating it to others.
4. Excluding any explanation about “why” you want something done within a specific time frame.
5. Asking people to do something, but not clearly explaining when you need it done.
6. Failing to describe the resources available to help people do what you want them to do.
7. Issuing such specific instructions about what to do and how to do it, that people hesitate to “own it” themselves and think out of the box to ensure the result.

From the book How Did That Happen? by Roger Connors and Tom Smith

Have you seen any of these mistakes being made (by you or others)?

Staff Values

Yesterday I shared with my team some “staff values” that I picked up while visiting Church of the Highlands.  I really like the simplicity, clarity & life-giving nature of these.  Plus, they are derived straight from the personality of Jesus in Revelation 4:6-7.  I’ll give you the values & the personality trait it comes from.

1.  Value :: Love God – Jesus is POWERFUL.

“God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil because God was with him.” Acts 10:38

2.  Value :: Love People – Jesus values healthy RELATIONSHIPS.

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8

3.  Value :: The Right Attitude – Jesus is a SERVANT.

“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

4.  Value :: A Good Work Ethic – Jesus practices EXCELLENCE.

“People were overwhelmed with amazement.  ‘He has done everything well,’ they said.  ‘He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.'” Mark 7:37

Difficult Conversations

Feedback is always about future behavior. It’s NOT about the past, because there’s nothing we can do about the past.

Can I be honest about something that I hate about leadership?  I do not like having hard conversations with people.  I just don’t.  Maybe that means I’m weak…I don’t know…it’s just reality for me.

That said, if I’m going to lead & manage people well I have to have these awkward talks.  If I don’t then they don’t grow, I become frustrated with them and they don’t even know it!  One of the worst leadership practices is NOT having difficult talks with people.

So in order to lead well I’ve had to create a system for myself.  That may sound odd…but it works for me.  If you’re the type that can slip into bad conversation practices such as: being too emotional, getting defensive and/or just not having a tough talk with someone, maybe this will help you.

Now, here’s the system that I use to actually lead the conversation:

1.  ASK. Simply start the dialogue like this, “May I give you some feedback?” This allows you to make sure it’s a good time for them and that they are open.  If they say no, ask when will be a good time.  Don’t wait too long, tackle it soon.  This also opens the door for you to speak straight.  People know what “feedback” means.  It can be both good & bad.  Key Words: “May I…”

2.  Describe specific BEHAVIOR. Don’t attempt to guess at the “motivation” for the behavior. Discuss the actual behavior you saw, heard, or read. You cannot see someone being lazy or having a poor attitude. You can see them being 15 minutes late 3 of the past 5 days. You can see documents with spelling errors. Seeing these behaviors only allows you to infer their attitude. Tell them what you saw, hear or read, not what you inferred. Avoid labels.   Say, “When you roll your eyes in meetings when others talk; when you say ‘you guys don’t get it’; when you come late to meetings and are texting during it; When you stomp off because you don’t get your way…” Key Words: “…When you…”

3.  Describe the IMPACT of the behavior.  Adults understand that actions have consequences.  Once you have described what you observed, tell them what you felt or what impact it had on the company, project, or team. A phrase that captures this thought is, “When you do this, here’s what happens” or, “When you do this, I feel…”.  Key Words:  “Here’s what happens…”

4.  Discuss NEXT STEPS. When the feedback is negative, and the person has verified that they understand what they did and its impact, it is time to work out how to change the behavior in the future. At this point, they must really own their efforts. If I simply impose a change, they will be less likely to enact the change. Ask open-ended or leading questions to start this process, such as: “What do you think you can do in this area?” “How should we approach this?” “What ideas do you have to improve here?” Key Words: “What are you going to do about this?”

Life-Giving vs Life-Taking

John 10:10 tell us “I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of”

Several years ago I was introduced to a term describing a certain attitude or philosophy of ministry.   Through the ministry of Billy Hornsby, the ARC, Church of the Highlands & Healing Place Church I saw this modeled.  The term LIFE-GIVING was used to describe a positive, non-threatening, no-strings-attached, relational-based approach to ministry. I would even say that it can describe how we “do life” as individuals too.

As I watch the world around me, my heart is often saddened. My fear is that we miss the heart of simply being life-giving.  It seems that our words & attitudes are laced with anger/frustration rather than with life.  We use our opinions and feelings as an excuse to behave in “life-taking” ways rather than behaving as givers of life.  Bottom line: as people who have been transformed by the good news of Jesus…there’s just no excuse for this. Before you give an excuse…remember…there is no excuse.

So, I thought I’d post some of the Life-Giving Church Values & Characteristics here for us to chew on. These come from Billy Hornsby & the ARC, the church planting organization that Stevens Creek is a part of.

Life-giving Church Values

1. Relational. Life-giving churches prioritize authentic friendships.
2. Relevant. Their message is relevant-It connects to the needs of everyday people… every day.
3. Generous. Life-giving churches strive to “go the extra mile,” equally sacrificing together.
4. Risk-taking. Life-giving churches and pastors are willing to do something new. They are not unwilling to fail.
5. Inclusive. Life-giving churches believe that every believer can be in ministry and they encourage God’s gifts in each individual.
6. Inspired. Their source is inspired by the truth of the Bible. God’s Word is the foundation for all they do.
7. Focused. Their focus is edification of the believer and evangelism of the un-churched – the lost, the absent and the unfulfilled.
8. Contemporary. Life-giving churches believe in engaging with our culture, embracing media & technology.
9. Ancient. Their practice is ancient. They pray, study God’s word, serve, share Christ.
10. Authentic. Pastors are authentic, real and transparent. No hierarchy, just servants in different capacities.
11. Fun. Pastors of life-giving churches understand that experiencing joy in the journey and laughing together is a key ingredient to a healthy, life-giving church.
12. Accepting. Their arms and hearts are open and accepting. They focus on the needs of people not on just “having church.”
13. Powerful. Their lives are pure and powerful. There is a sense that the Holy Spirit is real and active in their services…something bigger than man.

A bit broken…

Love is intentionally doing something caring or helpful for another person, regardless of the cost or consequence.

I have a confession…I’ve never been that into the whole “social justice” thing.  I’m sure that sounds harsh.  It probably is.  I have felt like it’s a fad in the church that’s really hot right now.  That said, I do BELIEVE in serving people, caring for the under-resourced, reaching out to the hungry, poor and destitute.  I have just never reflected that in my BEHAVIOR.  I know that I am wired to walk into a room and to look for the leaders and/or potential leaders…it’s who I naturally see.  I’m not wired to naturally see the people who are in need.  My “gifting” has become my excuse.

2 weeks ago I helped lead (actually one our interns, Morgan Tomberlin, led it) a weekend missions experience to Seacoast’s Dream Center in North Charleston, SC.  Something in me started happening a couple of weeks before the trip, was ignited a little while I was there & has continued to burn since I’ve been home.  I hesitate to use this word, but I almost feel something “breaking” in me.  I feel a sense of brokenness towards the impoverished like I never have.

On that trip I witnessed how much we can actually help someone when we rally together, how much good we can do.  I also saw how open people are to the love of Jesus when they feel the tangible love of people.  I also stood back and watched how this can be lived out in a local church.  I was amazed.

Now I am not saying that my gifts & wiring have changed…I’m saying that my heart is changing.  I’m still a leader who loves leaders.  I want to develop as many young leaders as I can in my lifetime.  I want them to do more than I’ve ever done.  That said, I feel like for the first time, I may be becoming a leader who is really broken.  I hope that’s the case.

What I’m wrestling with right now is “How can I leverage what I HAVE, what I can DO & what I’m actually GOOD AT to help heal the broken state of so many people in our world?”

I’ll let you know if/when I ever figure out that answer.

If You Don’t Protect Your Kids in the Digital World–Who Will? (by Tim Stevens)

Last week I had the priveledge to meet Tim Stevens, the Executive Pastor at Granger Community Church.  I’ve admired him from a distance via blogging, twitter, etc.  Below is a post that is proof as to why.  As a parent I appreciate his wisdom & diligence.  I hope his words help you:

If You Don’t Protect Your Kids in the Digital World–Who Will?

Our kids are growing up in a different world. Here are a few things we do (or have done) to keep our kids safe…

• Internet filtering – Curiosity killed the cat and can do great harm to kids as well. We have used different products to filter and monitor our kids internet activities. Monitoring tells us where they are going. Filtering keeps bad stuff away that could hurt them. Currently we are using Family Safety which is a free add-on product that we have loaded on every computer they access. Not only can we restrict sites based on our values–we can also monitor what sites are capturing their attention. And we can change (ease) these restrictions as they get older.
• Computer game time — on a school day, they get 30  minutes of electronic game time (whether computer, Wii, Xbox, iPod, whatever). On non-school days, they get an hour. This limit forces them (mostly the boys) to find other things to do. They all love reading, and I think that is partially because we haven’t allowed their time to be monopolized by staring at a screen.
• Cell Phone privileges – we didn’t get cell phones for our teens until they were in 9th grade. Why then? Because that is when it became inconvenient to us that they didn’t have one. It was never really a safety issue–in middle school there was always a friend nearby who had a phone they could borrow.
• Cell Phone Limits – this is about helping them stay in the present and not always being pulled away into other conversations. Our cell phones have unlimited text messaging, but we actually pay an additional fee (called “Smart Limits” by AT&T) to limit the number of text messages and the time of day it works for phone calls (other than to us, of course).
• iPod Touch restrictions – our 7th grade son saved his money for a long time until he was able to buy an iPod Touch. The first thing I did was took it, enabled the “restrictions” feature, locked it out from Safari (internet surfing) and YouTube, set a password, and gave it back to him. I don’t need my adolescent son walking around with a pocket full of temptation.
• Email monitoring – when they first got email privileges, I restricted their incoming messages to an approved list to protect them from child predators. After awhile, I lifted that restriction but continued to monitor all their incoming and outgoing email. As the teens are getting older and more responsible, I’ve gone from 1) Monitor everything, to 2) Monitor occasionally, to 3) “You know I can monitor it if I want,” to 4) I trust you.
• Facebook monitoring – similar to email, we monitored all of their Facebook activity when they first began using it (around 8th grade). Then it was “as needed.”
• TV time — the biggest blessing to parents has been the invention of the DVR (or TIVO). Our kids don’t channel surf. There is no reason. We just keep the DVR stacked with shows that won’t hurt their hearts (which, of course, changes as they age). They get a limited time to watch, and when they do they can skip commercials (which saves time AND limits the consumer mentality from taking over). Parents: Think of a DVR as a parenting tool, not a tech gadget.

I haven’t even talked about the content of movies or shows, but the bottom line: You are the parent. If you don’t protect them from the digital world, who will? At the same time, if you don’t prepare them to live in a digital world without your oversight, who will? I am constantly doing the countdown: I know I have 17 months left to prepare Heather to totally stand on her own in the world. So we are constantly reevaluating our limits and lifting them as she is ready. It’s fun to go to the kids and say, “You’ve been doing great, making good choices. I’m going to ease the restriction in this area because I think you can handle it now.”

Parenting isn’t an exact science, so what would you add or change?

What I’m Currently Struggling With…

Leadership is a process of growing & stretching.  Honestly, I struggle with being stretched from time to time.  Here are a few things that I’m currently being “stretch/struggling” in…

• Delegating the “right” things. There are some things that I have to own and some things I can give away.  My tendency is to hold on to too much.  There are certain tasks, responsibilities, etc that I need to give away.
• Giving away both RESPONSIBILITY & AUTHORITY. When I do empower a leader (staff or volunteer) I’m working to not only have them doing tasks but taking responsibility for outcomes and carry the authority to do so.  I feel like this is something we’re working through.  Just this week I told one of our staff members, “You’re responsible for this being effective…so you need to own your authority and do it.  That may mean having tough conversations and following up on details with people.”
• Accountability for EXECUTION. Details matter.  Even if it’s not your spiritual gift…it matters.
• Accountability for the PROCESS.  Sometimes we focus too much on the product (having volunteers in place on Sunday mornings) and not the process (how volunteers are recruited, trained & cared for).  Part of my role is to set high accountability standards for both.
• Allowing people to do things differently than I would. Craig Groeschel says that to effectively delegate you must be comfortable with someone doing a task 80% like you would & 20% differently.  In that 20% is where innovation and improvement comes.  This is tough for me.  I’ve had a lot of experience in a lot of areas and I tend to just want to grab something and do it!  I’m trying to stop saying, “Well I would do it this way…”
• Not getting mad while coaching. In this role I do a lot of coaching.  Sometimes in that process I tend to get frustrated.  God has helped me with this recently and is showing me that anger doesn’t produce fruit.  Grace, love & honesty produce fruit.  Having a difficult conversation with someone because you believe in them is productive.  Doing so because you’re frustrated will only tear someone down.
• Knowing if/when I’m “pushing” someone too hard vs. if I’m letting too much slide…and if I’m letting the right or wrong things slide.  I’m a high D on the DISC profile and I tend to focus on the things that need improvement rather than the win sometimes.  I don’t want to drive someone so much that I deflate them.

Any struggles you’re walking through in the position God has placed you in?

What I’ve learned this week…

Monday & Tuesday of this week I attended Velocity Conference put on by ChurchPlanters.com.  First off, no, I am not planting a church.  I went to this for two reasons:  To take Steve Sturgell, our Grovetown campus pastor & because I believe the best learning most often happens at the grassroots level.  Plus, I love & respect the host church and pastor: Mountain Lake Church and pastor Shawn Lovejoy.  I said via twitter that it was the most spiritual & practical conference I’ve ever been to…I meant that!

Here were some of the things that I learned, walked away with and, as a result, am now working on:

• Their motto is “Giving you permission to lead”.  They did just that for me.  I was confirmed in some of the things I have been thinking and working on. That fueled the fire to move faster.
• Systems matter.  More than most anything else.  Systems create behaviors.  They aren’t sexy…but they are what grow and sustain a church.  Everything needs a system.  It needs to be written down and distributed.
• Be aggressive.  I have backed off at times due to not wanting to “move too fast” on some issues.  Those days are over.
• I was affirmed, encouraged & taught a lot regarding our volunteer process/system.  Great things that will take us to the next level.  Most of it was mapped out with our Connections Pastor, Dorna Adams yesterday.
• I learned that cool doesn’t replace effective.  We can chase, spend money on & idolize “cool”…all the while losing effectiveness.
• Intentionality matters.  You will never hit a bullseye by shooting a shotgun.
• Staffing is a constant process.  Several great nuggets on this:  When you’re larger, staff is often the growth barrier.  Spouses matter; they have to be called to partner with their spouse in ministry.  Execution, attitude and results all matter.  In evaluating staff…these things should be on the list.
• A TEAM and a STAFF are two different things.
• A good ministry team has ministry team values…just for the team.  Things like EXECUTION, HONESTY, RESOURCEFULNESS, ATTITUDE.
• Don’t try to mimic anyone in ministry.  God has gifted & called me to reach my specific community.

Here were some great quotes from the conference:

• “The only way to have God’s anointing is to live w/ integrity, humility and generosity.” Rick Warren
• “Healthy churches aren’t based on seating capacity but on sending capacity.” Rick Warren
• “Harvard study shows that most people can only pay attention for 18 minutes. Then they start thinking about sex.” -Dave Gibbons
• “Harvard study shows that most people can only pay attention for 18 minutes. Then they start thinking about sex.” -Dave Gibbons
• “Be a last 10 percent leader. Have the difficult conversation. Choose to be respected over being liked.” @shawnlovejoy
• “Businesses go through more care in hiring than Christian church’s do.” @shawnlovejoy
• “Even if you have all the $$ in the world, hire staff last. Equip volunteers first. Hire only when you must.” @timastevens
• “The church that Jesus built was designed for advance, not defense.” – Alan Hirsch
• “Insecure leadership plays itself out with COMPARISON, COPYING, CRITIQUING, & CONDEMNING.” @shawnlovejoy
• “Your team & church will only grow to the level that you are growing.  You have to keep growing.  Stay teachable.” @shawnlovejoy